The Pursuit of...

Yesterday morning found us car-less. Magdalene worked a double nursery shift and Dennis' patient load kept him at work until 8:00pm. My car seemed to have given up the ghost, so the only way to church was on foot (5 miles away). We prayed as we walked that someone from church (or any kind Samaritan) might see us walking and offer us a ride. Sure enough, good friends scooped us up and we arrived early! 

Later in the afternoon, the grumbling over the gardening we were doing together put me at a loss of how to teach thankfulness. After dinner, I decided we all should watch a favorite movie of mine, Pursuit of Happyness, for inspiration.

It doesn't really matter that the outward effects of the day didn't seem to show on any of the Littles. Perhaps they thought I was teaching them the fine art of hitch-hiking and how to misspell Happiness?

Whenever the teachable moments arrive, it is I who must continue to shed my preconceived idea of what life should look like. It is I who in learning trust and thankfulness continue to see God's grace overflowing. The impact of God's daily whittling on my stubborn spirit, that is far more gentle than I deserve, changes me. My job as the mom is to surrender myself to God and to trust His plans for our children. (Dennis does this well!). The way God chooses to reveal Himself to them is His to know. Grace is often unseen but always present and bountiful. It is not found in my pursuit, but present in God's love and faithfulness, even amidst my struggles...or is it 'especially' amidst them?

In this perfect picture of our life one might note that Dennis bought a dozen doughnuts as bribery.  Magdalene straightened and fussed to get us to look 'just so'.  Our friend Chris entertained to keep our eyes fixed on the camera and Elias shot a bounty of photos as I enjoyed the smell of my cold coffee.  On this side of heaven only God has the picture exactly right, but He blesses our attempts and likely chuckles at us (with us) as well!

Unconditionally

I saw this nest last week.  It reminds me that in this world of sharp edges, exposure to harsh elements, and frigid winter skies, we are not meant to huddle in fear.  Our purpose is to learn to fly!

When I was young, something horrible happened to me.  I was far from home with no way of contacting anyone.  In the months proceeding I had found that the Lord's promise of 'those who seek Him will find Him' to be true.  I had called to the Lord to fill my heart longings, to guide me and be real in my life.  His love had overcome my homesickness and struggles.  Suddenly, in the wake of cruelty and abuse, had he left me?

That next morning, I disappeared out into the woods.  I called to the Lord in anguish and He was there.  In the presence of the Lord, I found comfort, a washing of my innermost thoughts and emotions, and healing.  I silently forgave the perpetrators.  I did not understand then, the power of that act of forgiveness, but I do now.

When Jesus said from the cross, "Forgive them for they know not what they do" death had already begun to lose its power.  Jesus' example spoke the words of freedom into the depth of my being and I embraced his way, instead of becoming a victim and allowing hatred to wreck havoc in me.  The sins of those who hurt me would not shape my life, my Savior had already redeemed me through the greatest act of selflessness, man will ever know.  My freedom could not be taken away by any human act of violence.

Because of that experience, Jesus' cloak of love not only restored me, but it also covered me in the full measure of grace (God's definition with no strings attached).  I learned that it is possible to love the sinner while hating the sin.  I understood that condemnation had no place in my life and that God can heal truly any earthly sorrow.  Most importantly, I learned that forgiveness empowers us to love radically with the love of Christ in this dark world.  And in that freedom, joy everlasting, abounds.

Beloveds, I tell you this story, because of the evil we face on the frontline.  We are tempted to fear in the wake of persecution, revenge and death.  The brazen violence throughout our world appears to be insurmountable.  In Revelation 11, we are told that when the "witnesses" had completed their testimony, the Beast made war on them, conquered them and killed them.  But after three and a half days the breath of Life from God entered them.  We know the outcome and who the overcomer is!

In the end death will not prevail, but while earth endures, Jesus' love can and does change lives!  As we walk in surrender to the truth of God's Word, we shall not fear.  Perfect love casts fear out!  The remnant is strong and God is good.  This we prove in the way we live, trust and bless.   That which is filtered through God's hands, he can turn to good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose.  Love is stronger than anything else!  Jesus Christ is the fuel and the freedom through which we are empowered and under which evil will someday be extinguished.  Until that day, we rise up as a community who does not submit to fear, but walks in courage and battles evil with good.  He loves unconditionally and so can we.

              

   

Christmas Blessing

Last Sunday morning, Zion and I sat outside the church after a rough morning chatting about God, life and choices.  We created this soft scene on the hard cement while God softened the hard places in us.

Shall we reach across the minutes and miles to pause and greet each other amidst these holy days of celebration, as we welcome the Christ Child?  Let us lay down our sorrows, fear, hopelessness and hard heartedness.  With humble hearts fueled by confession and forgiveness, let us free ourselves and the people we love from dependence on  humanity and earth to fulfill our deepest longings, and trust the God of the Universe to rejuvenate our spirits through grace.  The loving arms of Jesus are held steady and strong, wide open in ready embrace.  For He knows our intimate struggles, every need and burden and loves us to the core of our being.

Come brothers and sisters, with hands held in kindred spirit desire, let us kneel in faith and lift our eyes in the belief, that He holds us and this precious earth on which we dwell in sovereign love and compassion.  As the days gather quickly to finish the year in which they were designed to serve, let us not linger in what has been, but rejoice in what is to come!  God is still creating!  We do not know all that is to be, but we know the Author of Life, who did not spare His only Son, but gave Him in ransom for our wickedness and the sins of all.

As 2015 calls us to a fresh year, let it be one in which our unity, love and the outpouring of the light of Jesus into this dark world raises up the broken and reaches the lost.  We are here with a purpose, fueled by His love, and equipped to serve for the "role-call of eternity"!

I am thankful for each of you, your willingness to read my words and the lives you lead beyond this page.  May God bless you and keep you as His face shines upon you and may Joy be your companion as you walk the path set before you!

# Love

I searched through scripture to find a strong verse for Malachi's project, one that would represent our family.  I suggested Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (NIV)  Malachi furrowed his brow, 'Oh no Mommy, it must be the love verse, because no matter what, it's always about love, that's how our family is.'

I was struck by his answer.  As the oldest of the youngest five, it is clear that the rambunctious, challenging, wild siblings often drive Malachi crazy, as he does to them as well!  Yet, denying none of the chaos and conflict, or difficult days, Malachi knows that LOVE is our center.

In the midst of our racial conflict currently causing great upheaval in many cities in the U.S. I wonder what words fuel our passions.  Perhaps a few of them are vindication, justice, and revenge.

Walk with me Friends, hear what I hear, see what I see.  As a Caucasian mother of Hispanic, Bi-racial, African and Caucasian children, you would be amazed at the responses I am given from all races at some time or another, ranging from kind to cruel. The hurtful words and mean spirited attitudes often stem from a bad experience, ignorance or fear.  My response can bless the speaker or add to their preconceived ideas, causing disunity and separation.  I refuse to give into the Enemy's plans to destroy the human race with his seeds of hatred.  I must kindly address hurtful attitudes, to uproot the weeds of racism, and then I must fill that gaping hole with a seed of love.  My words must be spoken to heal not to widen the crevice we create with our suspicious, self-protecting taking of sides against another.

Jesus said, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."  And by them he meant me and you.  Forgiveness is the beginning of love and love is the seed of healing.

Malachi was also asked to use a picture for his project to represent his family tree.  Under the picture below, he wrote, "With adoption, our family tree is a forest!"  One tree, standing alone, cannot endure the storms of life quite so well as a forest!  To blend adoption with diversity under God's incredible gift of family is to walk first hand into the beautiful garden in which he intended us to bloom.  Drought and pestilence, seasons and pruning are all part of our earthly lives, and they are difficult to endure.  Our country is under a weighty struggle now.  But we, these trees that we are, rooted and grounded in love, can survive hard things together, not with weapons of divisive words, but through cultivating all that love represents. And we know well, that we are an exquisite landscape because of our unique characteristics and differences.

Do not allow anyone to tempt you to believe that one race is against another!  We have one enemy and he is the enemy of love.  Racism is not a tool unique to any race.  It is a knife hurled from the hand of the one who would seek to destroy us all, by separation and wounding.

It is the love verse, Malachi's wise choice, that will heal and guide us through these treacherous days. "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not LOVE, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophesy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and I have faith that can move mountains, but have not LOVE, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not LOVE, I have nothing.  LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  LOVE does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  LOVE never fails."
1 Corinthians 13: 1-8a (NIV)



 

Bleak

The yelp from the old dog, Hope, awakened me from a sound sleep at 2:29 a.m.   She heaved her tired body up from the rug, gazed at me from mostly blind eyes and steadied herself for the weary walk to the porch.  I twisted the knob of the front door and braced myself as a gust of wind shoved it against me.   Hope found her footing down the steps while I huddled by the railing, shivering in my flimsy nightgown.  Below the last step, the fall leaves, which only days before had swayed and danced in the breeze, displaying their fiery cloaks of color, lay in a huddled heap.  In brittle, broken pieces they crackled under the icy wind, humbled and spent.  The bitter gusts and black sky seeped into my being and bleakness overcame my groggy mind.

I crawled under the warm covers of our bed and sleeplessness invited thoughts, swirling as if to mimic the treacherous wind outside.  In home schooling our focus in these last two weeks has been on the former USSR.  An upbeat jingle for Geography has enlightened our minds to each country along the Southern border of Russia.  In History we've read of the people, their traditions, customs, religions and livelihood.  And we have read of poverty, struggle, and endurance.  The sharp sting of winter crouching at our own front door reminded me especially of the people of the Ukraine.  I felt guilty over the blessings I have and grieved over their persecution.

Each school day, for the last five years (since Hepatitis shook our lives), twenty-two-year-old Olena, our faithful helper, has worked alongside me from 9 to 3 to run the house and assist in schooling.  She is a treasure to our family and sometimes knows what I'm thinking before the words form.  She is Ukranian.  I often hear of the tumult in her land and hardships through which the Easterners suffer.  This morning I asked for the latest news and if perhaps I could gather coats to send before the icy winter consumes the lives of some who are only barely surviving.  

Olena spoke in her gentle, stoic manner, 'Yes, coats would be a blessing, but we can get them to our people.  We have a Christian organization that will send whatever you have.  Many in the Western Ukraine are also helping and yesterday I heard of a woman who has almost nothing, giving what she had, out of compassion.  Also, an old building was quickly transformed to house many homeless families.'

'We could have given in long ago and our cities and people would have fared far better, but we are not willing to give our country away.  We believe in the community we have, though our cities are poor, they are beautiful.  Things have changed so much, but we love our country.  Though churches in the East are destroyed, we believe and trust God, and have His help.  Though we struggle, He is mighty.  Here in my Ukrainian church we have grown from 600 to 800 members. The Evil that would try to destroy us cannot destroy our hearts, it is building up our faith in Christ.  Just this morning, the cold sweep in my country relented and at least for now, since it has not hit freezing, many are still alive who have very little and are underground.  We are thankful.'

The school day is long over, and my frigid feelings and stark, sad emotions of the early morning have given way to Hope.  Sometimes it is another's hope and faith that draw us back to realignment with the truth we know.  The pots outside, on the back deck, standing sturdy yet exposed, in this late afternoon light, give a different view of the fading fall.  There is new growth amidst the change and even a few flowers that seem more beautiful because of the environment in which they choose to bloom.  I needed Olena's perspective to open my eyes to the good.

Feeling bleak and overwhelmed will never fuel action or inspire courage.  When we give our hearts over to hopelessness our very souls are easily captivated by the dimming under which we succumb.  Then we are of no use.  But God is alive and He has missed nothing!  It is in Him our weakness is made strong.  When Paul proclaimed the gospel under persecution he asked his people to pray for the lost, the weak, to care well for each other and to pray for him.  "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.  With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.  Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains.  Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."  Ephesians 6:18-20

Paul ends the chapter with the blessings of peace, faith, grace and Christ's undying love.  As David Crowder sings, "There is no hurt that heaven can't heal!"  Bleakness is not God's way, He gives hope for tomorrow and encouragement for today.



      

Community in Moments

In the sea of carnival enthusiasts and dust, it was difficult to know where to begin.  I held tightly to the hands of Salomé, Ezra and Emmaus whose eyes shown in a mix of excitement and apprehension.  Music blared over the multitudes who screamed ecstatically amidst the dips and dives of roller coasters, claiming to terrify and winning this bet over the less courageous.  Time and again, to my relief, the height limit for certain rides excluded our two Littles.  Salomé carefully chose a few conservative rides to which Magdalene and her close friend Taylor led us with savvy enthusiasm and cheerful strides.  I was the reluctant parent, who could not hold my guard long, as cotton candy and giggly chatter overtook the youngest two, who followed willingly in the teenagers footsteps.

Within two hours Salomé, Emmaus and Ezra needed food and I wished for calm.  The massive dining facility, alive with neon lights implored every possible craving of our appetites to rule and choose their wares.  The setting promised indulgence but not satisfaction or peace.  Salomé noticed a young mother and her baby to whom she tried to direct my eyes, but I was not attentive to anything but finishing our food and stepping out of the massive feeding trough!

Finally, we stood beyond the three sets of double doors outside the mess hall waiting for Magdalene and Taylor when the disheveled mother appeared, wearily pushing her stroller.  "Look Mommy, she actually has two babies!" cried Salomé.

Sure enough, the stroller, laid flat, contained two little sets of feet nearly touching each other.  Two beanie-clad, sleeping babies, one in pink and one in blue, drew our intention in whispers.  I smiled up at the mother whose right arm lay motionless in a sling.  She wore pink sweat pants, a white hoodie and a pink, knitted beanie, which matched her children's, over her blonde tendrils.  She gazed at me through half closed eyes and hid her cigarette.

"They are beautiful," I commented, as Salomè and I peeked at the newborns.  I then looked toward the cigarette, "...don't worry about that, I understand."  She stared at the glowing embers and shrugged her shoulders, but tossed it to the dirt anyway and ground it under a canvas slippered foot.

"It's a bad habit, but I'm 'sposed to die anyway.  I got 20% chance with radiation after my brain tumor.  Had medical care in California, but I'm back up North now 'cause I need more help and me and my boyfriend get more here.  He left with the fifteen-month-old and my other two kids."

"Left?" I stammered, with my eyes fixed on the 8 and 9 pound babes dozing innocently.

"The fair...just left the fair...he's home at the 'partment, my ride's comin' soon too.  She's in church, but she'll be here."

I clutched Salomé's hand, while Magdalene and Taylor patiently entertained Ezra and Emmaus, at a polite distance from the evolving conversation.  We learned the babies' names, Miracle and Jared.  They were tiny, born three weeks before their due date, yet they appeared healthy with perfect features.  I commended her good mothering and a hint of a smile softened her care-worn face.  We said goodbye, then walked in opposite directions.  The glaring lights felt more oppressive than I'd recalled before our meal.  I felt sick and helpless as I watched the mother disappear from view.  Was someone really coming to get her?

Half an hour later, a smily, blonde gal in a light jacket, sweat pants and well used tennis shoes, tapped me on the shoulder.  Beside her stood the young mother who explained, "See...there she is, the lady I told you 'bout, the one who was worried about me..."

"I'm Jocelyn's ride, I was at church...my name's Never.  Thanks for caring for her before I got here." I hugged Never who asked me my name.  "Of course," she laughed, "Grace, that's an excellent name!"

I watched them go.  Never pushed the stroller in pace with Jocelyn, engaging her in conversation, wrapping her fragile friend in kindness.  She embodied compassion, clothed in gentleness, generosity and humility.  I felt rooted to the ground, undeserving of the compliment of caring.  What had I done to show it?

It is difficult to understand and accept the limitations placed on our lives in fleeting moments when others are in need and we feel helpless.  If it were up to humans alone to roll up our sleeves and save the world, would we?  Perhaps pride hisses such fanciful possibilities into our minds in order to trap us in guilt and render us useless in the tiny areas in which we really can make a difference.  If we take the sorrows and sufferings of our globe, as lone stewards of mercy, the burden crushes us and we stumble over ourselves in ineffective hopelessness.  Perhaps if we speak life into each moment, over every person, on the dusty road of our earthly journey, the lightening of the burdens collectively will weave a web of hope.  And maybe if we pause to be the comma in a hard chapter in someone's life we've given them just the breather they need.  I don't know exactly, but that evening at the fair, I saw two women who inspired me to talk with you about mercy and friendship.  Perhaps because of them we will be ready to do a small thing, with courage, the next time it is requested of us.  Then boldly, we will receive and release the baton of loving each-other well, in community.

     

In This Present

Magdalene sipped her peppermint tea as she leaned against the counter, "Mom, I love that you are present with us kids."  Her words struck me in the moment and have remained with me all week, as encouragement to my internal battle of seeing beyond the encroaching bleakness and evil on the global horizon and fixing my eyes on Hope.  Even as I write, the view from our family room window is marred by fog and the morning light is eerie rather than cheerful.  Does this mean the beautiful forest beyond our back fence no longer exists?  Have our neighbors disappeared because the space between us is obscured?  Of course not, but fear of future events, when the signs of the times look dark, seeks to snuff out the truth we know.  Here and now is where we are, and inside our soul, belief must stand sturdy, not swayed by circumstances.

My coffee sits on the floor, beside my slippered feet as I type with half an ear on the litter of new kittens.  Their delicate frames and blind eyes keep them solely dependent on Mama Cat Agnes, who just took a morning saunter around the house, stretching her legs and relieving her tired body, before returning to her needy brood.  Kittens, precious and new, are a stark contrast in their very existence, to the battles against good currently raging throughout our world.

As I picked up my Bible and computer from the dining room table, to prepare for reading and chatting with you, a plastic warrior fell at my feet.  Below the chair, swept by the corner of the tablecloth, a war against dragons had been raging all night and I didn't even know!

These are days when courage and compassion must be our constant companions.  As we speak and act in the arenas of our lives in which we have authority, being present is our privilege.  The people with whom each of us will interact today are immortal not ordinary.  The perpetrators of evil and promotors of good are humans, the war over their and our actions is spiritual.  There is power on both sides of the spectrum, but we know the Enemy has no ability to create followers from dust.  As Bishop R. C. Trench writes, from his book, The Parables of Our Lord, from1860, "Satan cannot create children of darkness, he can only spoil children of light."

We are children of light, and light shines in darkness!  Eugene Petersen writes in The Message translation of the Bible of Jesus in John 1:5 "The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness, the darkness couldn't put it out."  Beloveds, this is a time in History where darkness is seeking its final overpowering of light.  It will not win!  Yet while it is allowed to exist, it seeks to destroy our faith, hope, joy, compassion, dreams, visions, and commitment to honoring the sanctity of life.  Jesus is the strength to which we must cling!  God has not turned his face, he has missed nothing, but in this very time and space...between kittens and war, we exist purposefully.  We must engage in this present day as lovers of the truth we know and doers of the righteous acts for which we have been created.  Shine, Beloved, blaze with all that is in you.  My favorite author of our times is Frank Peretti, one of his books is titled, "Piercing the Darkness".  It is our joy and responsibility to do this, in this very day, until all is made right, we are the light of the world!

"Comfort, oh comfort my people...Thunder in the desert!  Prepare for God's arrival...Then God's bright glory will shine and everyone will see it.  Yes.  Just as God has said."  Isaiah 40