Singing

Last night Gabe and Elias laughed heartily as Dennis broke into song, "Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset, simply go the years..." The boys' choir will be performing "Fiddler on the Roof" and Dennis couldn't resist that marvelous piece.

Emmaus lit up. Bright-eyed and encouraged by Daddy's bold rendition, he called, "Mamma! Mamma! Watch!" Sitting up straight and tall with eyes fixed forward, he began to sing a gentle song in Amharic, his Ethiopian language. In his four months with us, we have only heard him trill his tongue while humming softly, never had he sung for us. His sweet voice brought tears to my eyes; for the joy and pleasure singing to us gave him, and also for the sadness over our inability to understand his song.

A kind stranger once told me to "sing over my children".

The idea is powerful. It reminds me of Aslan in the C.S. Lewis' story, "The Magician's Nephew". As the characters stood in the darkness of a world that had died, the lion Aslan began to sing. His intricate song brought in light and then all of creation formed through the richness of his joyous melody.

To sing over Emmaus is not always easy.

On our most difficult days, his exacting demands, calculated unkindness and tempest like responses wear on my spirit.

Yet in a fresh moment, as in yesterday afternoon, I may find him sitting on the floor flanked by Zion and Ezra meticulously cutting Norwegian cheese in thin slices, carefully serving in equitable portions.

I am encouraged to believe that perhaps he is becoming a gatherer who attempts complicated things beyond the capacity of some, to share with many. His brilliant mind misses nothing, except perhaps compassion. We are daily pursuing our little boy's heart through love and consistent, healthy boundaries. As with the new song of last night, we see beautiful glimpses of gentlenss and joy.

One afternoon, a week or so ago, I found myself in silent conversation with the Lord. I felt that I needed some encouragment and expressed my happy anticipation over the future result of the hard work of raising our boy. Yes, it will certainly be worth it when we see the amazing man Emmaus will become! I felt the Lord's silence weigh heavily on my heart.

The truth is there is no promise of greatness, nor should there be. I do not love my child because of who he will become. There are no conditions on love. I have benefited immeasurably from the unconditional love of my parents, my husband and many in my life. Who am I to be fueled by the future accomplishments of this unique boy who deeply deserves my unconditional love. He is who he is. Is it not enough that he has been given to us? We have this precious day to fill with the melody of the moment, not to cloud with fear or fantasy of the days to come.

If Emmaus' life is simple, with no great accomplishments or worldly acclaim, and If his story is not in the headlines of the front page, will his have been a valuable life?

If my precious boy belongs in the last line of the last story, then that is where he should be.

And that is where I will be, and I will be singing.